You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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