I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
