2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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