WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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