Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
