Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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