Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
