I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You smell like stripper and shame
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
