I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you would pick up someone in the library
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
this hospital has no fireball
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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