Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
