that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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