I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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