worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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