I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
