I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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