last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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