were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
