Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
