tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
