Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize