Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
