apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
