I just pynch a tree in the face
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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