my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
