Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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