Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
