She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
