so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
