That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
