It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
