I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
