seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
