she woke up with a sticky ear
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
