i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
