Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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