Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
