"it" just moved
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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