Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
sex in a hospital.. check
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
