if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
