Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
