I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
