sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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