Everything about him screamed your future.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
