3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
