Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
