i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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