This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
