I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
