My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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