I only kidnapped one of them. chill
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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