'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
