Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
