Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Let's get the cat blown out
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
