I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
