Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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