he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
