So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
