for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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