No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
