So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
