I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
