Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
