youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
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He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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