do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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