We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
