I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
