I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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