After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
