I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
