We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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