No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
