My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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