I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You're a waste of cheezeits
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
