if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
