My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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