I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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