now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
