I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
