Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
