fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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