He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
